Broken Barn Industries, Ink

2012-01-31T21:29:00.000-05:00

I'm Sorry For That Last Post

2011-12-06T21:51:00.000-05:00

And here is how I'll make it up to you.

Okay Halloween's Over

2011-12-06T21:39:00.000-05:00

Merry Christmas.

It's Not Baseball Season (and probably NSFW due to extreme cussin')

2011-11-28T22:07:00.001-05:00

But this makes me wish it was.

Back to School

2011-11-25T14:24:00.000-05:00

Today's homework: Learn about Don Cherry.

Learn more about his clothes here:

I Got Ripped Off

2011-11-17T19:41:00.000-05:00

So, I found a site that's supposed to encourage you to write by rewarding you with a picture of a kitten every time you type 100 words. You can set it higher if you like. I did not. I typed and typed. It felt like forever to get to 100 words. I finally did it, and this is what I got:

What the shit? I did all that work and get a kitten with NO ears? Also, I happen to know that sand cats have extra cute ears. They cropped them out. Here is what the sand cat is supposed to look like.

Hemingway had a shit ton of cats so he probably had real kittens romping about the whole time he wrote.

Today I Learned: Use real cats for writing.

Walkin' Around the Internets

2011-11-16T21:45:00.000-05:00

I found this picture here. I like it. That's all.

Lunchtime! (for Barney)

2011-11-16T12:00:00.002-05:00

This is the kill Barney brought us yesterday- his most challenging one yet. I figured I'd post while someone I know is on vacation and hopefully won't see this and freak out. Not namin' names- she knows who she is (the sap).

Nothingvember

2011-11-16T08:40:00.000-05:00

I know it's Wednesday, and I know I haven't blogged since last Friday, but nothing happens in November. If something is happening in your November and it's keeping pace with other months, something is wrong.

Anyway, one thing did happen on Friday. I went to put Monster out. There are two buckets filled with rain water on the back deck. My mister emptied the big rain barrels and put them away for the season but saved some for backyard fires. As I was hooking Monster to his lead, a movement in one of the buckets caught my eye. Holy shit, a fish! Apparently one of our tiny rain barrel koi went out the spout and into a bucket unnoticed. This fish is less than an inch long so you can imagine how easy it'd be for him to go unnoticed and ultimately freeze to death in the bucket. Instead, we saved him.

First we had to acclimate him to indoor temperatures. The following morning, my mister moved him to his winter home with his friends.

The end.

November

2011-11-11T17:57:00.001-05:00

I do not like November, but what I like even less is the people who can't handle November and so start pretending that it's December/ Christmas time already. This video is dedicated to those weak-hearted people. We are still in November, okay? And summer isn't over yet.

PS: I know some of you watch every video I post. Some of you watch none of them. Kudos to anyone who makes it to the end of this.

Lunchtime!

2011-11-11T13:08:00.000-05:00

Goat cheese pie at the Lebanese restaurant.

More Kurt!

2011-11-11T11:11:00.002-05:00

"A great swindle of our time is the assumption that science has made religion obsolete. All science has damaged is the story of Adam and Eve and the story of Jonah and the Whale. Everything else holds up pretty well, particularly the lessons about fairness and gentleness. People who find those lessons irrelevant in the twentieth century are simply using science as an excuse for greed and harshness. Science has nothing to do with it, friends."

--from "Address to Graduating Class at Bennington College, 1970," from Wampeters Foma and Granfalloons, by Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

(Granfalloons, not blue balloons. But still, it is his birthday.)

It's Kurt Vonnegut's Birthday Today

2011-11-11T09:09:00.000-05:00

I think this is my favorite picture of him ever. And I still miss him. And I think they photoshopped a cigarette out of his hand.

More November

2011-11-10T17:28:00.000-05:00

Punkins on city windowsills. Badass.

Happy Election Day

2011-11-08T08:52:00.001-05:00

Go occupy a voting booth. Try to avoid voting for assholes. We did and once again, we did not get a fucking sticker. What's up with no stickers? Is it because we're rural? Did you get a sticker?

Fucking Idiots

2011-11-07T11:35:00.000-05:00

Beige and white are NOT the same color, okay, idiot gorillas who load trucks?! Ya know, people are bitching that there are no jobs. I say fire more people. Let these color blind incompetent fucking idiots occupy the parks instead.

Bouquet of the Day

2011-11-07T09:34:00.000-05:00

November Ice

Awww, more baby pictures!

2011-11-06T21:09:00.000-05:00

This is our cichlid, Runty, as a baby.

While I Was Walkin' Around the Internets...

2011-11-06T11:13:00.000-05:00

I found this video and I like it. Had never even heard of Karen Dalton before. Have you? (Before just now, I mean.)

Random Snark

2011-11-06T09:04:00.000-05:00

And now I'm gonna go have chicken noodle soup for breakfast. With a hard roll. Also, good morning and happy extra hour.

Robot Cat Invasion

2011-11-04T17:09:00.000-04:00

Must remove power source.

Lunchtime!

2011-11-04T12:14:00.002-04:00

Buttery toast dipped in hot chocolate.

November.

2011-11-03T12:48:00.002-04:00

Bouquet Bomb Bonus

2011-11-03T10:03:00.002-04:00

My mister bouquet bombed me with orchids yesterday (see previous post). One of the coolest things about them is that they are shipped directly from a real orchid farm in Hawaii and they come wrapped in genuine Hawaiian newspaper. No local section this time- bummer! Amazing true fact: Orchids are incredibly tough. Some years ago, my mister ordered some for Valentine's Day. They were delayed for a full week because of a blizzard. I was sure the contents would look like rotten salad by the time they arrived but they were gorgeous and lasted a very long time!

Bouquet of the Day

2011-11-03T08:27:00.000-04:00

Aloha

Day 39

2011-11-02T14:00:00.000-04:00

Board game rage.

Lunchtime!

2011-11-02T12:00:00.001-04:00

If only I had a gun instead of just this lousy camera.

Monster Says...

2011-11-02T10:03:00.003-04:00

I has a Christmas list.

Mornin'

2011-11-02T08:00:00.006-04:00

I think this is a picture of a young Fidel grooming a stuffed fox head. The cat is using the fox head to groom itself. Please insert caption. Thank you.

A New Poem or a Tongue Twister or I Dunno

2011-11-01T23:10:00.000-04:00

forest forest garden forget-me-not found found treasures Four Roses fox Foxfire foxglove fractals Frank Druffel rocks frankentree freak of the week freakin' paradise freaks free apples free bird seed free flowers free tomatoes freebase freebies freecycle regrets freedom of speech in the workplace frightening frogs

Found the perfect grocery bags

2011-11-01T10:10:00.000-04:00

They'd go great with my Dear Fuckface grocery lists!

Not Bloomin'

2011-11-01T09:29:00.000-04:00

So much for the amaranth (and everything else out there). I think I'll throw these into the barn field and see what becomes of them next year. Happy Day of the Dead, y'all.

Lunchtime!

2011-10-31T12:44:00.000-04:00

Locally made Italian bread, butter, strawberry jam.

So I Was Walkin' Around on the Internets

2011-10-30T21:58:00.000-04:00

And I found this.

Shit I Am Not Doing Today

2011-10-30T21:03:00.000-04:00

Yeah. Dancing in a field on a warm day. Hell, all I wanna do is sit outside without freezing. Fresh air, I miss you.

Gourd Morning

2011-10-30T08:00:00.001-04:00

Today's gourds are brought to you courtesy of The Barn Field (aka The Piano Field).

Sometimes I Want to Throw Rocks at People

2011-10-29T19:27:00.000-04:00

For instance, I would like to throw the "Imagine" rock at a pseudo-hippie Occupy Wall Street person. It's not about politics or economics. It's just that some of them annoy me. Anyway, right after that, I'd pelt said hippie in the head with the LOL rock. I wish I had a whole bag full of LOL rocks for that matter. They'd come in handy for SO much!*

Last but not least, I'd like to throw the "Aspire" rock at Oprah. Now don't make it all about me being an evil person. You would kinda like to throw it at Oprah too. Admit it.

*I could throw it at the guy who keeps saying my delivery is going to be another week late.

*I would like to throw it through the car window of that dumb bimbo on the phone tailgating old people today.

*Newspaper boy- pick that paper UP and put it on the steps, lazy boy.

*Send it to a geologist.

*Your turn. Who do you wanna pelt with a LOL rock?

And Then There's This

2011-10-28T20:17:00.000-04:00

This one reminds me of my mister's last dentist. The one he fired, I mean.

This One's For Bob

2011-10-28T20:12:00.000-04:00

I hope my dentist sings this tomorrow morning. That would make the whole thing a lot more tolerable.

Barney Conducts

2011-10-28T19:00:00.000-04:00

Barney has a weird flexibility in the tip of his tail. This is how he gets his groove on (while being petted by the mister). Barney life is good.

Scary

2011-10-28T14:33:00.003-04:00

But not quite as scary as Baby Chronic Asthmatic.

A True and Traumatic Story from Fourth Grade

2011-10-28T12:42:00.000-04:00

In order for you to understand this story, you need to take a good look at the nice,

thick rubber sole on this shoe.

When I was in fourth grade, a shitty thing happened. My teacher got killed in a car accident on his way home. We loved him and were devastated. They replaced him with Ms. Benson, a sub we'd had before. At first it was okay since she was at least familiar to us. Thing is, though, we'd never had to deal with her for more than one day at a time in the past. On a daily basis, well, she just sucked.

Case in point: We were required by state law to have gym class every day. A couple of times a week we'd have a real gym teacher. The rest of the time, Ms. Benson was in charge. Even though she had an entire storage room full of equipment to choose from, she made us play kickball EVERY FUCKING DAY until June. Any sport played every day all damned year gets boring. For me, it was more than boring. It was an exercise in futility. See, I wasn't a very large child. When it was my turn to kick, since I wasn't packing a lot of power, the ball wouldn't go very far at all and I always got out. EVERY FUCKING DAY. Meanwhile, the more physically powerful kids made it to bases and got to actually PLAY kickball. I spent most of my time on the bench or way in the outfield where my uselessness wouldn't interfere with other kids' getting to actually PLAY.

Now Ms. Benson should have known that if a smart kid has extra time on her hands and is annoyed with you in general and really resents the fact that you aren't her dead teacher that she loved, something bad might happen. Actually, nothing truly bad happened. I just put all that extra thinking time to use and came up with a solution.

See, I was allowed to wear my beloved saddle oxfords in gym even though they weren't sneakers because they had a nice rubber sole that wouldn't damage the gym floors (see pic). I eventually got the bright idea that if the shoes, particularly the right one, were reinforced properly, I might actually have a chance at whaling the ball far enough to get to first base. I put my plan into action. It involved stealing as many metal thumbtacks as it'd take to load the front of my right shoe with metal. I did just that and then...

The next day in gym when it was my turn to kick, I WHALED that sucker. Well, it was whaling as far as I was concerned. I made it to first base AND I was laughing like a maniac because my genius plan worked. Until some little bitch narced me out- "Ms. Benson!!! Little Angry Gardener loaded her shoe with tacks! She's cheating!!!" And with that, Ms. Benson made her cat's ass face and called me off the field.

This story has no moral. I just wanted to state for the record that Ms. Benson is a jerk. Also, I loved my saddle oxfords, even if my tacks did get confiscated. Oh, and I still wanna kick her in the shins with a fully loaded saddle oxford.

The End.

Lunchtime!

2011-10-28T12:00:00.002-04:00

Monster says, "Hey Barney, is they foods in it?"

Last Night

2011-10-28T09:59:00.000-04:00

I had to suit up and go brush snow off my fort. (Yes, that is real mohair. Hot pink mohair.)

This morning Monster had to deal with ice crashing down at him from his lead.

This sunflower now looks like shit.

I think I'll just go sit over here.

Or in here, where the flowers are still blooming.

When Non-Tech People Lose Cats

2011-10-27T10:30:00.000-04:00

I dunno if these people lack a camera and a printer but I like their style. Hope they got Big Baby back.

The Kill

2011-10-27T09:43:00.000-04:00

I was telling someone (CG, maybe) about getting a shot of a Cooper's hawk killing a sparrow from my window last winter. Didn't post it because I hardly blog during ~~depths of hell season~~ winter. Here ya go:

Cooper's hawk (possibly sharp-shinned hawk), dead sparrow

Dead bird remains in center, wing prints in the snow

I had just scattered seed on top of the snow the day before for the ground feeders. Right after I did it, I had a passing thought: "Oooh. I think I just set up a raptor feeding station!" Sure enough, the following morning as I was passing through the living room, something FAST shot by. I ran to the office window in time to see the hawk crushing the bird in its talons. I was able to get two shots, shaking with excitement the whole time, before he spotted me through the window and took off.

The following week a red-tailed hawk swooped right up to the window here and snatched a fat starling who was gorging himself on a bowl of bacon grease I'd put out. Didn't get a shot of that but it was SO cool to see that happen ten feet from where I'm sitting! I'm looking forward to more bloodshed this winter.

Bouquet of the Day

2011-10-26T11:30:00.000-04:00

Take the last zinnia of the season

Add to bed of hot coals

Burn until nothing is left

Hopefully this will appease the gods of weather and spring will come early.

Barney Has Found the New Fish Tank

2011-10-26T10:05:00.000-04:00

In spite of that giant bowl of Monster water right there, Barney opts to drink fish water. He does drink Monster's sometimes. And from his own water dish. And from a plant-watering pitcher upstairs. And from the bottom of the tub after we shower. Thirsty cat is thirsty. Oh, he tried to drink from the rain barrel once but decided against it after he almost fell in. Guess he likes varietal waters. (He does not, however, drink toilet water- that we know of.)

Random

2011-10-24T20:22:00.000-04:00

A Gruesome Accident

2011-10-24T13:43:00.000-04:00

Oh, what gore! What horrendous thing happened?! Venture a guess if you like, or click here if you dare! Happy Halloweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen!

Were you brave? Did you look? Now you know about my sick fetish- I love truck spills. There, I said it. The proof is in the fact that I even know that www.truckspills.com exists. What I've been watching for over the years is a bloodmobile accident. I don't wanna see anyone get hurt or anything. I just wanna see this headline: "Gallons of Blood Spilled on Highway, No Injuries Reported".

Lunchtime!

2011-10-24T12:00:00.001-04:00

Boursin bacon burgers. Mmmm!

How to start the week?

2011-10-24T09:23:00.001-04:00

Hmmm. I have ideas, but I'm too lazy to write a real post. I think this will be adequate. I recommend watching it full screen with your coffee.

Mornin'!

2011-10-23T10:28:00.000-04:00

I hope this is as confusing for you as it is for me.

Halloween Is Soon...

2011-10-22T22:44:00.000-04:00

Coming over?

Monster Says...

2011-10-22T22:26:00.000-04:00

Oh hai

I can has coffeez?

I Wanna Ride the Bus!

2011-10-22T14:00:00.000-04:00

Specifically, THIS bus.

I will tell you why: First, it's awful cheap. Secondly, they get amazing reviews. Here are some examples: "Single happiness maybe, but double happiness..... I don't know about that." And, "If you don't want to be surrounded by ignorant, racist, freakin' animals - this isn't the bus line for you." There's nothing I'd like more- sounds like a fun ride! Anyone wanna go with?

Another Old Pumpkin

2011-10-22T11:51:00.000-04:00

My mister did this one a few years ago. We haven't carved this year's yet.

Still Bloomin'

2011-10-22T10:19:00.000-04:00

Toldja there's still a garden going out there.

Pay Attention

2011-10-21T22:20:00.000-04:00

Things like this are important. *reluctantly steps down from soapbox (I got more to say)*

We All Like Shit That's Comfortable and Familiar

2011-10-21T21:41:00.000-04:00

If this isn't comfortable or familiar to you, you must work at it, for it should be. If you have the patience to stick it out till the end, you will be dutifully rewarded.

O Louis, I Swear I Do Know

2011-10-21T20:59:00.001-04:00

*playin' the organ here, yeah that's me

I like this kitchen.

2011-10-21T14:13:00.000-04:00

That's all.

Mornin'

2011-10-21T10:24:00.000-04:00

I got up early but I'm still not awake. Sick. A cold or ebola- too soon to tell. I'd call in but there's nowhere to call. Guess I'll curl up on the couch and watch Ice Loves Coco. Brain has quit.

Mornin'

2011-10-20T08:07:00.000-04:00

I had forgotten about this guy until I read in yesterday's paper that he's up to no good again.

Grew up to be a prison escaping cop killer.

When it was actually happening it was all over the news, even nationally. The series of photos that accompany the article are worth a look. This one, apparently taken just after Bucky turned himself in, is my favorite.

Officers Shock and Awe.

Occupy YOUR Muthafuckin' Street!

2011-10-19T21:51:00.000-04:00

This is some beautiful shit. Also, it's mid-October now. I will still post garden pictures but since the days are short and the nights are long, I will have to supplement with my night internets meandering. I will be your guide. Most of the time you will be safe. And I am still available to answer your questions.

This Post is About a Post

2011-10-19T10:11:00.001-04:00

See? Punkin' on a post.

Monster Says...

2011-10-19T09:05:00.000-04:00

I'ma getchu one day, chipmunk.

Lunchtime!

2011-10-18T12:00:00.001-04:00

Today we're having aged, rotten pumpkins. These ones are about three years old now.

Fall Fashion!

2011-10-18T10:03:00.003-04:00

I wonder how well it holds up if you play football in it. Or wear it to an actual football game. Might be a good way to get your ass kicked. I mean, doesn't just looking at this picture kinda make you wanna hit this guy? I dunno. Maybe it's just me.

Still farting around on the internets...

2011-10-18T08:47:00.000-04:00

And I found these doodles by Andre Jordan. His disability is depression. Apparently he also aspires to Drama Queendom as well. You can find more of these here. Some people might find them distasteful. I find them to be refreshingly honest and a light-hearted way to point out the fact that mental illness is a real, if mostly invisible, disability. So yay Andre!

PS: He does some cute garden doodles as well. You can find those here.

The Decor, the Sound Effects, the Dogs, the Internets!

2011-10-17T21:35:00.000-04:00

This is what happens when you sit around waiting for a truck all day.

2011-10-17T20:50:00.000-04:00

The truck never came. The internets was many.

1.5 Stars, Over Two Million Views

2011-10-17T19:14:00.000-04:00

Be sure to read the info and comments.

Oooh!

2011-10-17T15:38:00.001-04:00

I figured out how to load this!

PS: You probably had to be there. I was!

My Fake Mister

2011-10-17T14:50:00.000-04:00

Coupla years ago, around Halloween time, my mister had to go on a business trip. (He hates those. I'm glad he doesn't have to do it anymore.) I got lonely, so I built this fake mister. He wasn't one for conversation. I was glad when the real thing came home. The end.

Lunchtime!

2011-10-17T12:00:00.000-04:00

Today we're having upside down gourd.

An Occupant

2011-10-17T11:49:00.000-04:00

Old enough to still give a shit- love it!

Bouquet of the Day

2011-10-17T10:03:00.001-04:00

Plastic in plastic

Saddest Picture Ever.

2011-10-17T09:19:00.000-04:00

The "aisle" I walked down is almost all grown back. Guess I'll go sit with Keanu.

Mornin'

2011-10-17T08:54:00.000-04:00

Bright moon and bright sun this morning. Looks like it's gonna be a pretty day here :)

Lunchtime!

2011-10-16T12:27:00.000-04:00

We're havin' gumballs with PeeWee and Regis today!

Shoppin'

2011-10-16T10:21:00.002-04:00

There was a gift shop at the Hyde Collection. I love museum shops because A) They have cool shit, and B) Even though it's overpriced shit, you don't have shopping guilt because the money goes to support the museum. Therefore, you are not merely a shopper, but also a patron of the arts. Snooty!

I had to have one of these:

Folds flat.

Insta-vase when filled with water.

Didn't get a chance to pick a bouquet for it because no sooner did I get it set up, it started pissing down rain. And yeah, I AM still picking bouquets in October. They aren't as extravagant as the ones I can get in high season but it still counts. When they're all gone, I'll start buying them at florists and grocery stores. Did you know that in Europe, flowers are a grocery list staple? Here we save them for special occasions and illness. That's just dumb. More flowers for everyone- go buy some! (But not from 1-800-FLOWERS. They suck. Independent florists are better.)

Last but not least, Keith Haring temporary tattoos. They were 10 cents each. Yep, I'm an arts patron.

Breakfast!

2011-10-16T09:39:00.000-04:00

Bananas!

Candy!

Leftover pumpkin pie- mmmm!

Guess Who?

2011-10-15T21:15:00.001-04:00

This is a baby picture of one of us.*

*I lied.

How I understand the "economy", by The Mister.

2011-10-15T20:34:00.000-04:00

I have some apples. Oliver has some oranges. Bob's got a horse cart. Suddenly, I need some oranges. Conveniently, Bob shows up.

"Hey Mister, I'd like to buy some apples, but I can't pay you right away."

"Sorry Bob, you know my policy, no loans."

"I don't want a loan, I have plenty of riches. Look at the paper, it has my special mark on it. I'm the only guy around here rich enough to make fancy marks on paper like that. You can show this piece of paper to every merchant around here and they'll all tell you I'm good for it. They'll tell you I'm rich and have gold hidden in the hills."

"Well... okay, Bob, but you still have to pay me back someday, right?"

"Suuuure. As a matter of fact, I will pay you one orange tomorrow for every apple you give me today."

"That sounds good, Bob. I need some oranges. I'll take your paper, you write down how many apples on it, and you come back tomorrow with the oranges."

"Okay, but here's the thing, is it okay if I write down an amount of gold? I estimate that these apples are worth 100 pieces of gold. How about if I write that down instead?"

"Well, I like oranges, but I also like gold, so that's okay I guess."

Later, Bob meets up with Oliver...

"Hey Oliver, I'll give you ten apples for every eleven oranges you hand over."

"Sounds, good, man, I love apples, and I have a lot of extra oranges."

The next day...

"Mister, I got those oranges."

"Cool, lay 'em on me."

Oranges are exchanged for pieces of paper.

"I still don't understand why we need this paper, Bob, I'd feel a lot more comfortable with something useful, like real gold, pigs, or apple pies or something."

"Well, Mister, those papers are my guarantee to you that I'm going to eventually pay for the apples. I used to carry gold, but it was too hard to pull it around in the cart. The wear and tear on the horses was bad. So now I just keep the gold hidden at home, and I hand out paper."

"But how do we know you really have the gold?"

"Well, does it make a difference? The transaction is over, everyone got what they needed, I got a few extra oranges for my troubles, who's complaining?"

"I don't know, Bob, something sounds fishy. How many of these papers are out there in the hands of your customers?"

"A lot."

"And you have gold to back this all up?"

"Well, I used to."

"WTF, Bob? It's clear from my own initial interaction with you that at the end of our transaction, there was no paper left over. You took it all back, and gave me payment, just like your note promised."

"I paid you what I owed you."

"Sure you did, Bob. And presumably, you took the paper on which you made that promise, and voided it out, indicating that the contract had been satisfied on both sides, and that neither you nor I had any further obligation of payment to the other."

"Well, effectively, yes, I did that."

"What did you really do, Bob?"

"I kept the paper and reused it on another guy. Eventually, enough people were holding my paper that they started to feel very comfortable with it and began trading it amongst themselves. There are even some dudes who make paper like mine in different colors, and they trade my paper for their paper sometimes. Paper has become so popular that no one cares about the gold anymore, so I printed up a whole bunch of it and spread it all around. Now, everyone's forgotten how it used to be. They don't even remember where the paper came from. It was a promise to pay you back. Not anymore."

"What do you mean 'not anymore' ?"

"Someone decided that the money itself should have value."

"Like an arbitrary decree? That makes no mathematical sense."

"Yeah, remember our apple orange deal? Apples have value. Apples are worth apples. Oranges have value too, and depending on who you talk to, oranges are worth about one apple."

"Yup, we had a valuable batch or apples and a valuable batch of oranges involved in the equation. Both delicious."

"Right, but nowadays, folks would say that the paper I lent you was valuable too, as valuable as 100 apples."

"That makes no sense. I can't eat it. It won't keep me warm, or give me companionship. I can't use it as a mode of transportation. Also, it take more than a special decree by some arbitrary authority figure to create intrinsic value. No one can just say "You can now eat and be kept warm by paper," and have it be true. What the hell are you talking about, Bob?"

"That's just how it is. It's a subtle thing. People get confused, because there actually is value in the paper, in that it can be used to easily move other value from one place to another, it's a service you can use to transport value through space and time. Like how you moved your apples all the way over to Oliver's Orchard without even leaving your house."

"But you did that."

"Yes, but you paid for it from the value of your apples, and I extracted that payment by taking a few extra oranges from Oliver. He has a surplus anyway. But that amount is much smaller than the promise on the paper itself. See where I wrote "100" on the paper there?"

"Yeah."

"Well, the actual value of the convenience of the transaction - that's the service I provided to you - was only about 10 oranges. Not the #100 that you see on the paper. That's all I could get out of Oliver. But it pays for the horseshoes and the cart maintenance, and I get a little extra for getting drunk on Saturday."

"This is very confusing, Bob. So what is your paper really worth?"

"Nothing. Ten oranges. One hundred Apples. Depends who you ask."

Bob's Car

Field Trip!

2011-10-15T17:20:00.000-04:00

Will we drive over an hour to see one tiny REAL Maurice Sendak illustration? You betcha. The Hyde Collection in Glens Falls, New York is doing a special exhibit on children's book illustrations. I love that shit and the mister was game as well. Some true things: The Hydes were rich people who owned a paper mill. The museum itself is their actual amazing house. You can still see a working paper mill right from the windows.

Finch Paper Mill

How's that for a firewood pile? Anyway, we looked at the book exhibit first.


Tiny Sendak rendered large for your enjoyment.

I liked this one a lot too:

Mind you, I was busily making a list of kids' books to check out next time I go to the library on my special "Dear Fuckface" stationary. I had to be all stealthy and shit so no little kids could see the header. Literate babies are easily offended, or at least their moms probably are. Funny thing, though, is that there were actually very few kids in attendance but lots of adults.

The mister liked this one.

We both liked the German cut-out book.

Cut and glue the story yourself.

This series of books was really cool. They tell the story and based on that, you cut out all the furniture and accessories and glue them into the book yourself. There are some objects that have no specific place. You get to choose where to glue them yourself. I like this particular one because the child or adult was clearly on some drugs or has a distorted perception disorder. (Pardon the bad picture- the book was under glass and lights.)

After the book stuff, we toured the house itself which is full of art and furniture that the family collected. Eight rooms around a central indoor courtyard with amazing light.

Absolutely my favorite type of stuff- tempera religious icons. I just love the colors, regardless of subject matter.

Another one. Look at the blue on the guy on the right. 1400s. Nice ~~steal~~ score, Hydes!

The indoor courtyard.

The skylight above the courtyard.

A Picasso wayyyy upstate. Good eye, Hydes!

And last but not least, my absolute favorite:

Angel, circa 1350. I definitely want her on MY side.

Lunchtime!

2011-10-15T12:00:00.001-04:00

Mmmm, the mister's potato salad!

Mornin'

2011-10-15T09:34:00.002-04:00

It's the weekend, so you know what that means- every food is getting pulverized!

Lunchtime!

2011-10-14T11:44:00.001-04:00

No, we didn't get a kitten. She was just visiting. Her name is Mathilda and she likes our frying pan. Barney did not find her amusing. Monster was afraid of her- she spit at him!

I Want This

2011-10-13T14:50:00.001-04:00

In my yard.

Source here.

Oh the Horror!

2011-10-13T11:37:00.000-04:00

Halloween is coming so I figured I should do a scary post. Not scared yet? Allow me to explain. We are needing to replace our back doors. In preparation, my mister removed some of the framing. Here is where it gets scary. Under the frame was this border sample. If you look closely, you can see that whoever did this had the pencil marks all drawn out on the wall. They were actually considering this horrifying border! Looks like remnants from a McDonald's decorating job. Told ya- scary!

Mornin'

2011-10-13T09:28:00.000-04:00

Everyone bitched because we didn't show enough face in the wedding pictures on here. Here's actual footage instead.

These Boots Were Made for Workin'

2011-10-12T15:51:00.001-04:00

Actual boots from my construction days.

Do you remember that I used to do construction? (If you don't, click here). I often miss it but there's really no way I could handle it full time again. I probably couldn't handle it part time. But I can handle it very part time.

And do you remember tropical storms Irene and Lee? We made it through those with no serious damage at all and were able to go right back to wedding planning. A lot of our neighbors were way less fortunate and still aren't out of the woods. I just didn't have time to do anything real about it then, but now I do. I could have chosen any number of nearby places- there is still serious devastation all around us. The Schoharie folks are smart though. They posted an ad on craigslist with clear instructions for anyone who wants to volunteer, so that's where I headed. This is the house next door to the one where I helped.

That's at least nine feet of watermark you're seeing. Anyway, I went to the church on the main drag that is coordinating volunteers and informed them that I have experience, a trunk full of tools and work gloves. "I wanna do boy stuff," I said. And so the very nice lady looked over her lists and asked, "How about ripping floors?" and gave me an address and directions to a house.

I helped a guy rip the beautiful hardwood floors out of his house. Seriously. Almost undamaged tongue-and-groove hardwood floors. Had to, because otherwise mold would form underneath and render the house unsaleable, and he IS selling. He and his wife have a grown daughter and have lived in this house for twenty years. It looked a lot better on the outside than the one in the pic. He had power-washed his siding. The inside is pretty devastated. The floors were buckling and there were spots where mold had started to form. Once the wood is out, he'll be able to bleach the sub-floor and stop the mold. The sub-floor is wide plank, original to this 100 year old house. His 91 year old father-in-law lived next door. He called it a loss and moved to Florida, so in effect, the guy's wife lost her home AND her dad. Not to minimize this man's loss, but I think women put a lot of heart into their homes and take the loss of one harder.

Anyway, he said they're leaving. They just don't want to risk this kind of heartbreak again. Flood insurance doesn't cover enough and the village will never be the same. Lots of houses just can't be saved, especially since the old field stone foundations are compromised. I am so happy that I got to not only work with my hands but help someone who genuinely needed it and was so very grateful.

I don't have a lot of money but I do have some spare time (in between furnace and chimney contractor hunting) so I hope to go back next week. For those of you with more money than time and wanting a tax break, here's a starting place to find out how to help.

And one more sappy thing: This kinda shit makes me proud to be an American. This man and all of his neighbors were in such dire straits but he told me that what kept them all going was the tremendous outpouring of help and support, just people arriving from all over with whatever resources they could contribute. He said at one point, people were driving around passing food out of cars so they could eat without having to stop work. That is how we roll, whether it's a big thing like 9/11 or a local thing. Our neighbors- we got this.

PS: When my mister sees this post, he'll know what I meant when I emailed him earlier and told him I was going "out toolin' around." Get it? Toolin' heh heh.

Mornin'

2011-10-12T09:06:00.000-04:00

I'm sitting outside while I still can. I am using a laptop and I've just now realized that I don't know how to right-click on it. I also don't have access to my pictures on this machine so you are gonna get this post with no pictures. AND my head is fairly empty so this post promises boredom. And sorrow. Let's start the day with some sorrow, shall we?

It's all a matter of scale, and redistribution of energy.

2011-10-11T21:13:00.000-04:00

Ah, Raging Bitch

2011-10-11T17:59:00.000-04:00

I'd rather drink a Raging Bitch than be one. Today was full of the mild suck. See, I am in the process of changing my last name to my married name. I want to officially be my Mister's Mrs. I'm old-fangled like that.

My first mistake was going to DMV on the day after a holiday weekend. The joint was jumpin'. Fortunately, there was free entertainment. No, I do not mean the wall mounted TV that didn't work right. I mean this one lady and her mother. The mom looked to be in her late 70s. The daughter I'm guessing mid-50s though she looked older due to missing bottom teeth and stress. They looked more like sisters. See, the mom was clearly in the early stages of Alzheimer's and driving the daughter crazy. The daughter was constantly having to wrangle her mother back onto the bench to wait for them to call her number. Sometimes the mom would randomly get back in line. This would result in the daughter yelling, "MA! MAAA! YOU ALREADY WAITED IN LINE! YOU GOTTA COME SIT BACK DOWN!" Then she'd bitch about her mom to anyone who'd listen- in a very loud voice. At one point, the mom loudly declared, "You're being a bitch and I don't have to listen to this!" and stormed out, leaving the daughter worried that she'd be left without a ride home. Mom might not be all there, but she knows when she's being dissed in public- go mom!

Now, let's think this through. Why the fuck is the mom even allowed to drive??? I do not know and frankly, it frightens me. Why does the DMV allow it and even more curious, why does the daughter enable it? Does she not have her own car? Another odd tidbit: They were dressed almost identically in denim capris, striped shirts and flip-flops. Also, at one point when the daughter had to go outside yet again to fetch the mom, someone said, "I don't know who's crazier- the daughter or the mom."

Shortly after that I made my escape but not before learning that I should have brought the title to my car as well to get my name changed on that. Yay, a return trip. Maybe next time I'll bring the camera.

After that, I went to my credit union to change all my money stuff. The lady did not give me free candy which isn't cool. Last time I had to sit down with a rep I got lots of candy. Bah. Still have to change car insurance info. Two more credit cards. Did voter registration and Social Security already. Did I forget anything?

It was nice out today and I should have saved this shit for a rainy day but now I'm home. Better, see?

Ahhh!

Just a Reminder

2011-10-11T16:00:00.001-04:00

Abe Vigoda is still alive. He's 90 now. "In 1982, People magazine referred to Vigoda as dead. At the time, Vigoda was performing in a stage play in Calgary.^[5] He took the error with good humor, posing for a photograph published in Variety in which he was sitting up in a coffin, holding the mistaken issue of People."

And Now I'm Gonna...

2011-10-11T14:00:00.003-04:00

Lunchtime!

2011-10-11T12:00:00.003-04:00

No lunch today till we figure out what this thing is:

Background info: When Teller and I went to this pristine beach, we found a ton of these plastic things washed up. Anyone know what they are?

Update: Thanks to Anonymous' comment, we have an answer here . Ew! They're shit strainers! I don't want lunch now.

Random Extra Morning Sky Pic

2011-10-11T10:11:00.001-04:00

Blue Turns to Grey