Lunchtime! (for Barney)

This is the kill Barney brought us yesterday- his most challenging one yet.  I figured I'd post while someone I know is on vacation and hopefully won't see this and freak out.  Not namin' names- she knows who she is (the sap).

Robot Cat Invasion

Must remove power source.

Barney Conducts

Barney has a weird flexibility in the tip of his tail.  This is how he gets his groove on (while being petted by the mister).  Barney life is good.

Barney Has Found the New Fish Tank

In spite of that giant bowl of Monster water right there, Barney opts to drink fish water.  He does drink Monster's sometimes.  And from his own water dish.  And from a plant-watering pitcher upstairs.  And from the bottom of the tub after we shower.  Thirsty cat is thirsty.  Oh, he tried to drink from the rain barrel once but decided against it after he almost fell in.  Guess he likes varietal waters.  (He does not, however, drink toilet water- that we know of.)

It's all a matter of scale, and redistribution of energy.

Barney Says...

I heard there was gonna be a wedding here.  I'm still waiting.

Surveying the Scene After the Fact

Barney doesn't like crowds.  He stayed out of sight until the last guest left.  We were so relieved to see him!  Here he is checking out the "chapel" the next day.  I think he approves.

PS:  Mucho thanks to Cottage Gardener for loaning us the fall decorations for our "altar".

Barney is a Liar

Let me preface this by saying that much to my chagrin, as a dog person, I do actually love Barney.  True fact.  But some history is in order here.  When I first met Barney, one of the first things he conveyed to me is that he would like some pants.  Notice I don't say, "said to me."  Cats don't talk, but sometimes they convey.  Also a true fact.

He wanted me to convey this message to the Mister and so I did.  I told him that Barney would like some pants, specifically, red bloomer-style pants with white polka dots.  Sorta like clown pants, I thought, but in Barney's mind's eye, more like zoot suit pants- snazzy and a hit with the ladies.

Not quite what he has in mind, but proof that cat pants do exist.

Here is what I think now:  The Mister has never bought pants for Barney.  Au contraire.  Mysteriously, Barney gets new pants at the crack of dawn every day but no one gets to see this.  Think Pinocchio.  When Pinocchio lies, his nose grows.  When Barney lies, his pants disappear.

And Barney is a chronic liar.  Every morning I feed him a proper breakfast.  Then the Mister gets up and Barney tells him that he's hungry.  The Mister will ask him, "Didn't BBI feed you?"  And Barney will straight up lie about it.  Convincingly.  Then the Mister rewards him for lying.  Thus Barney maintains his weight- 17 freakin' pounds.  If confronted about his weight, he claims that he is naturally a big-boned Farm Cat and must maintain in order to protect us all.  (From baby bunnies, you know.)

Hey Barney, you hungry?  "Rreow."

Lunchtime!

Find the chipmunk

Killer Be Killin'

Pretty sure Barney took out three baby bunnies last night.  He trucked right into the screen house with this one and it was still alive.  Theft was averted since Monster wasn't off leash this time.  Now I gotta go get the other dead one out of my front flower bed.  Where to fling...

Dual Exhaust

Barney approves.

And Just So You Know

Barney still knows that he's the King of Everything. Here he is looking all regal, just so the rest of you know too.

Guess again!

Here's Barn with his plastic rat. If you check the comments in the original contest post, you'll see the guesses we've gotten so far- none of them are right. Even my mister didn't guess right and it's HIS cat! (He's not eligible for the contest anyway). Put your guess in "comments" or email us: brokenbarn@gmail.com.

If you're wondering what the prize is, suffice it to say that it will be small, cheesy and fun- just like the last contest. Think Cracker Jack prize. We're trying to make money here, kids, not give it away! FYI: The last winner got a used (but good) book and a small sack o' candy.

Unrelated, but I'm just glad about it: I think I'm finally over that wretched cold and ready to rumble again- woohoo! I do not have a lot of patience when it comes to being sick.

Another Feather In Barn E's Cap

K, so this is Barn E. Quat, the rightful owner of this estate + Barn. He is not mine though he is most cordial to me. He is very much my mister's comrade in arms. Those two are thick as thieves, so naturally I had to play the villain and take Barn E for his annual. His old vet used to come right to the house, so to the best of our knowledge, Barn E's never been in a cat carrier, much less a car. Let me just say: chillest cat EVER. He did great in the car and enjoyed the classical music station (as usual). Did great with the staff- props to my mister for all the attention he gives Barn E, cuz that makes him easy to work with. And he did great on the way home, this time listening to show tunes in celebration. Most importantly, we were able to verify that Barn E is "highly likely" a Genetically Modified Super Cat! We knew it all along. So mister (who will read this from work), Barn's got a clean bill of health and handled the whole thing like the super chill trooper he is :)

PS: He IS still fat! I knew it!

PSS: New contest for those of you who read the fine print and don't just look at the pix: Guess Barn E's weight and win a prize!!! Just leave your guess in comments. Bugger off if you have ever met Barn E.

PSS: The vet had a sneezing fit during the exam. He's new and a foreigner (from Minnesota). I looked at him dead serious and asked, "Are you allergic to cats?" He said no. I actually had to tell him I was kidding.