Wednesday, July 1, 2009

A Tale of Mistaken Identity, Milk, and Infidelity


We all get spam, but I happen to also get an inordinant amount of incorrectly addressed mail. "Ink" is a popular alias, and people often mistype their friends' addresses and end up sending me emails. I get a lot of personal mail intended for tattoo artists and commercial printers. I am neither.

This is actual correspondence.



from: D N
to: ink
date: Fri, Apr 11, 2008 at 9:43 AM
subject: SAt Yard Show

Do you have any more business cards? Also, could I take one of your pic books if I guarded it with my life to put out at the yard sell? I want people to see your work. Does Sara see all the mail coming in? let me know?
Dyan

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from: ink
to: D N
date: Fri, Apr 11, 2008 at 10:29 AM
subject:Re: SAt Yard Show

Hi Dyan,
I don't think you sent this to the right person. I don't do tattoos anymore. The hot new thing is branding. All the cool kids are getting branded like cattle.
-Ink

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from: D N
to: 14lloyd ,aladyann2u ,barbarajkirkpatrick ,Bob ,caitlinlin, Hanna ,chromehorse ,boltrope ,CowboyintheWind ,Dana Combs ,darkfairy ,Elaine Lepisto-Reppe ,Ellen & Rick ,gregz6806 ,HarleyBiker ,HDDynaglide1 ,ink ,Jeff ,Jennifer Lee ,jockey2000 ,JONI_JODON ,joshnorfleet26 ,k ,Karl holland ,Kathy ,larry ,lAURA ,Lova lnjuguna ,Myhabit1 ,mystrane ,RandyC1985 ,ronnyranger ,Scott Stemen ,Sharon Keigher ,"steve b(RoughRider)" ,Tominthewoods ,Ray
date Sat, Apr 12, 2008 at 9:19 PM
subject Fw: Fw:Fw: Fw:Fw: Fw:This is cute...
mailed-by msn.com

I am thinking of all of you.......safe journey!!!!!


Forwarded message attached:

----- Original Message -----
From: Elaine L
To: My Friends
Sent: Saturday, April 12, 2008 5:59 PM
Subject: Fw: Fw: Fw:This is cute...
Even if you don't send it back....I am thinking of you.
TAG YOU'RE IT!! YOU HAVE BEEN CONSIDERED ONE OF MY SWEETEST
FRIEND'S ON MY LIST ONCE YOU HAVE BEEN TAGGED YOU HAVE TO TAG 5 OF
YOUR SWEETEST FRIENDS AND LET THEM KNOW THEY ARE SWEET XO XO XO
FAKE FRIENDS: Will ignore this...
Send this to at least 5 ppl including me if u care 4 me!!!
....oooO...............
.....(....)................
......)../....Oooo.....
.....(_/.....(...)........
..............(_/.........
...........................
......oooO...............
.....(....)................
......)../....Oooo.....
.....(_/.....(....).......
...............)../........
..............(_/.........
...........................


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from: ink
to: D N,
bcc: Brokenbarn
date Sun, Apr 13, 2008 at 11:10 AM
subject Re: Fw: Fw:This is cute...

Dyan,
Ok, based on the amount of msn, aol, and earthlink addresses in your friend list, I can tell that you're not probably the most sophisticated person in the world, but I will try to elevate you anyway. TATTOOS ARE NOT COOL ANYMORE. All the COOL people are getting BRANDED like cattle. If you want to make an appointment to be branded, and select which HERD you want to belong to on the HUMAN RANCH of CONFORMITY, please let me know. And always remember, a pithy email only serves to quiesce a simple mind. (Thank you for helping to
keep the Idiocracy strong.) Forward this email to everyone you know and all your dreams will come true.
-Ink

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from D N
to ink ,
date Sun, Apr 13, 2008 at 12:21 PM
subject Re: Fw: Fw:This is cute...

I have your books & will get them to you . I gave out 25 of your cards. see ya later, dyan

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from ink
to D N ,
date Sun, Apr 13, 2008 at 3:38 PM
subject Re: Fw: Fw:This is cute...

Dyan,
Will you pick up a half gallon of milk for me?

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from D N
to ink ,
date Sun, Apr 13, 2008 at 5:10 PM
subject Re: Fw: Fw:This is cute...

Yes soon (Red rose emoticon)

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from ink
to D N ,
date Sun, Apr 13, 2008 at 9:04 PM
subject Re: Fw: Fw:This is cute...

Sara never checks this email. Will you bring a loaf of rye with the milk? How soon? Tonight?

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from D N
to ink ,
date Sun, Apr 13, 2008 at 9:51 PM
subject milk & bread

Hate to tell you but tattoos are IN & COOL! Check the magazines and you'll see all his work on me and LOTS of others in there, and I have the trophies and modeling contract to show for it! What do you have for your great BRANDING, but burnt up ugly scars, but I guess that's what makes you so sophisticated and elevated so let me thank you for interfering in my e-mail. It's so obvious that with your great intelligence and lots of friends that you have nothing better to do in your life but answer the wrong e-mail. Forward this to all those FRIENDS you have and all your dreams will come true, so get a life!!!!!!!!!

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from ink
to D NORFLEET ,
date Sun, Apr 13, 2008 at 10:09 PM
subject Re: milk & bread

LOL :)

Thanks for the entertainment, Dyan.

I have to say that I'm surprised it was the rye bread that gave it away, and not the ridiculous idea that people would want to be branded like cattle.

Or that time when I first wrote back to you and said "I don't think I'm the person you're looking for."

You started this, Dyan. Haha, the internet sure is crazy! Maybe you need more practice with email, hahaha. :) LOL, have a great night.

PS: Tell your inkman friend that I get a lot of his emails, and I always write back and let the person know they have the wrong guy.

-Ink


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from D N
to ink ,
date Sun, Apr 13, 2008 at 10:24 PM
subject Re: milk & bread

I'm not really the b..... I sounded like. People really do get branded a lot, I see it at the convention. To add more humor to yes, my lack of e-mail skills, you should have seen us laughing when I brought over the milk to my Inkman, he often asks me to bring over something he needs on my way to get tattooed LOL (Red rose emoticon)Glad you laughed today we all did, it's a good day then. Bye

3 comments:

Broken Barn Industries said...

Still chuckling over this one. I love my mister's sense of humor. But I want credit for suggesting he ask her to pick up the milk! Can you believe he has the power to make strangers run errands? (I can.)

ann said...

I laugh out loud. Is that what lol means?

Broken Barn Industries said...

You got it, Ann. Amazing how many days this went on for!