I'm Gonna Cuss.

I've decided it's only fair to warn you from now on. Now that we've gotten that out of the way, here I go: Look at this fucking plant. It's rose bush x 'scraggly ass'.

I'm not a big fan of roses. Rose people just rave about the variety and repeat blooming. That's just wonderful. What they don't bother to mention are the thorns and all the diseases. Yeah. Aphids and black spot are so beautiful and romantic. Right. I do not have time for that sort of bullshit in the garden. I'm a gardener, not a plant hospital/ babysitter/ self-cutter.

Nonetheless, since this rose has been living here longer than I have, I do tend to it and I'll tell you what: This plant is an ungrateful BITCH. I do nice things for it. I weed it. I give it juicy compost and banana peels. I try to underplant it with something to make it look prettier. Every time I do it scratches the hell out of me and tears at my clothes and hair. Oh, you're welcome, you ingrate. They say you should talk to your plants. This one gets cussed out on a regular basis.

At that point, I am forced to resort to telekinetic lopping which for those of you in the know is exhausting. Sometimes I'm tempted to just go the distance and finish her off. Then she does this:

What a bitch.

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