Tuesday, June 28, 2011

A Lovely Little Tale That Ends Badly

Once upon a time, I met a lovely person online and happened to find out that she is a Brand New Gardener.  Nothing quite matches the excitement and enthusiasm of discovering gardening for the first time.  BNG is always asking me questions and learning and sending me pictures.  She's hooked and it's been fun for me to relive those feelings.  Well.  Yesterday she experienced her first gardening tragedy.  Blight, you ask?  No, not blight.  A horrible hail storm?  Nay.  Deer!  No, worse.  Much, much worse.

A fucking HUMAN thief!  BNG lives in a lovely little town that isn't known for crime- until now.  At around 11 PM on Sunday, she let her cat in for the night.  The rose was still there looking lovely (see below).

Upon discovering the theft Monday morning, BNG did what any sane and devoted gardener would do:  She attempted to follow the petal and dirt trail but alas, it turned cold.  Next, she called the authorities.  The police came and she filed an incident report.  They were flummoxed too.  After all, what kind of asshole STEALS a rose right out of its pot?  As it turns out, BNG lives only a few doors down from the local watering hole.  She suspects some drunkard grabbed it hoping to appease his angry wife- "Yeth, I'm late and I'm drunk, but here'th thome rothes!" (while clods of dirt fall to the carpet and thorns pierce his hands and forearms).

Needless to say, this makes Angry Gardener angry, but the story doesn't end here.  BNG is still on the case.  Hopefully justice will be served.


-karen. said...

To catch a rose thief
One must drink as much or more
Then kick them in balls.

BNG said...

Lol Karen, love it!

Broken Barn Industries said...

Hey, it's BNG herself! Any progress in the investigation?

MizFannie™ said...

You could always hang out in the watering hole and follow people that walk home.

I didn't get any pink roses this week! ::phew::

Broken Barn Industries said...

lol @ MizFannie

Anonymous said...

Maybe the freakin' cat ate them to wash down the poor defenseless bunny he killed?

Broken Barn Industries said...

O, the cloak of anonymity! Show yourself, coward!