Friday, March 7, 2008

If I Win the Lottery


I have plans. I've been working on it for years so I should probably buy tickets more often than like once a year. The very first thing I'm going to do is get the best defense lawyer money can buy. I'm gonna need that after I do my Walmart work. It's not illegal to have ideas yet, is it? I'll only say that it involves super soakers and Christmas Eve. And a film crew. And a defense lawyer.

I also wanna procure every free piano listed on freecycle.org and craigslist and install them all over the yard like a flock of pink flamingos. There might be a zoning ordinance so again, I'll need that lawyer, if not for that then for the evening when I hire 40 pianists to come play all those out of tune mofos. How I lust for the red one (see pic- that really IS on craig's right now).

There's more, but I'm not awake enough to remember them all. Can you buy localized global warming? Cuz I want some of that too.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

you are crazier then a shithouse rat!!! i will come and play one of those pianos nude!!!

Broken Barn Industries said...

I am not crazier than a shithouse rat. I have VISION, man! Beats spending the money on golden toilet seats!