Ask the Angry Gardener

Red Blogger said...
Dear Angry Gardener
I don't really do gardening much but we have a patch of yellow grass near our fence. I know this is due to the dog pissing along the fence and I know I have 2 options but thought I'd ask which one you would go for - do I paint the rest of the grass yellow to match the patch, or do I just shoot the dog!

First I'd like to address a couple of points for our readers:  

1. For those of you that don't know, Red Blogger is British.  Or English.  Or UKish or  whatever the hell they call it.  
2. British people call their yards "gardens" regardless of whether they do any actual gardening or not.  
3. I happen to know that Red Blogger, unlike normal Brits, does NOT do any gardening, so why she gives a shit about a little patch of yellow grass is beyond me.  

Now that we've cleared that up, I will address the question.  

Dear Red Blogger,

I am staunchly against lawns.  In fact, we are in the process of completely destroying the lawn here and replacing it with flowers.  Any "lawn" that you see in our photographs is a future flower bed.  To answer your question, if you're going to continue to refuse to plant flowers/ be unpatriotic, then by all means, paint the rest of it yellow.

If however, your dog is an evil, horrid beagle, destroy it for the good of all humankind.

Sincerely,
The Angry Gardener

PS:  Give me the birdbath.  Do it!