Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Ask the Angry Gardener

It seems while I've been busy weeding, taking pictures, making bouquets and generally minding my own business, my mail box has filled up.  With idiots.

Let's start with this one:

Dear Angry Gardener,  
You call THAT, "dressing it up??" Where the hell are the gnomes...or even a friggin' bird bath?? You really do need my input!
This same "SID" also had this to say:
SID said...
I think you're angry because you have not used any lawn decorations that might cheer you up and make you smile. Your garden is very boring due to the lack of them. Take a tip from me...DRESS IT UP!!
Apparently SID thinks he or she should be the one dispensing advice around here.  The only problem with that, of course, is that this is my blog and my non-fucking-tacky-ass garden.  Nonetheless, we can't leave the trolls to just starve, can we?  That would be cruel.  Besides, I like to think I can be open-minded.  I can be, but that implies that I might be wrong about something.  And I'm not.  
Here you go, SID.  I got flocked by the American Cancer Society- a perfect opportunity to try your shitty ideas.

I tried to embrace the opportunity.
Feeding time with the native bird population.
Migratory formation.
But the locals got annoyed.
So I marched them into the woods.
The way was hot and humid, fraught with malaria.
Menacing little fuckers.
Even Monster turned up his nose at them.  Out they go.
I hope that answers your "question," SID.
PS:  This SID is not the same as this one:
Sid said... 
Hey,chill out,angry one !!!! 
Dear Not-All-Caps Sid,
You'd be angry too if you had to humor plastic lovers. 
PS:  Both the Angry Gardener and The Mister support The American Cancer Society and we absolutely loved getting "flocked".  Google "flocking" + your area to see if you can go flock yourself.  
PSS:  Please forgive horrid formatting.  Angry Gardener is angry with Blogger's formatting stuff. 
This message has been brought to you by The Angry Gardener.


SID LYON said...

Dear Angry Gardener,
Well I think you've made me alittle angry! So my suggestion was one big joke to you! Purple flamingos!! Not even politically correct! Oh sure, hide behind a charity like the ACS while you "use" them to distort my suggestion!! You really are an Angry person! And then to add insult to injury, you run around your yard "posing" them! HA, HA and HA! You know, if you were truly clever you could have made it into a music video! At the very least, I would have had a good chuckle!


cottage gardener said...

Dear Angry Gardener,
I LOVE the purple flamingos! Especially when they were migrating across your lawn! You are so creative!!

The Cottage Gardener

Broken Barn Industries said...

CG, they were really fun to play with/ rearrange. I was supposed to only have them for 24 hours but the lady who did it couldn't pick them up right away so I got to keep them from Friday night till Monday afternoon- sweet! We had a lot of slow traffic going by lol.

Broken Barn Industries said...

SID, you crazy nutjob troll, what is politically incorrect about purple flamingos? Also, you're right. A music video would have been awesome. Unfortunately that is currently not possible because The Engineer is still being held for some bizarre ransom! We miss him :(

SID LYON said...

Dear Angry Gardener,
PINK! That's politically correct!Purple is not Pink!! Violets are not pink! Have you ever seen pink eggplant? Pink IS politically correct! So stop being such a piss-ant!