Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Ask the Angry Gardener

Elaine asks,

AG: My question is: If I bought a vine at Home Depot on a whim 2 years ago, it spent the last couple years in a crappy plastic pot & somehow survived (which makes me respect it), I finally planted it in my front yard only to then google it & find it is an invasive species, is it wrong for me to be secretly delighted & not rip it out by its roots & toss it in my green bin? Thanks.

Elaine's house

Dear Elaine,

I'm not sure I even know where to start.  First of all, I'd like to know what the vine is.  After all, we do live in the INFORMATION AGE.  Secondly, you said, "bin," not "garbage can."  So... are you in the UK?  Do they even have Home Depot there or are you just trying to destroy my blood pressure for sport?  Thirdly, what google source describes your vine as invasive?  

Since I don't have the above information, we have to turn this into a boring lesson about the definition of "invasive" as pertains to plants.  It's about as specific as the definition of "weed" or "native species".  Why must you fuck with me on today of all days?  Now I have to google on behalf of your ignorant-big-box-shopping ass.  Hold on.  Let me look.

Okay, here:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Invasive_species.  I did the work, now you do the reading.

The Angry Gardener

PS:  What do you mean "if" you bought a vine.  Did you or didn't you?  I want answers, Elaine.


SID LYON said...

the only "invasive species" I've encountered thus far in this blog is YOU! Your nasty attitude is as far flung and wide-spread as cow manure in a heavily herded pasture. Leave Elaine alone!! At least she has a nice truck for a lawn ornament!!

Broken Barn Industries said...

I was talking to Elaine, SID. Elaine, not you. See how that works?

Anonymous said...

Sid, you are a weed. Your family probably describes you as invasive.