He wanted me to convey this message to the Mister and so I did. I told him that Barney would like some pants, specifically, red bloomer-style pants with white polka dots. Sorta like clown pants, I thought, but in Barney's mind's eye, more like zoot suit pants- snazzy and a hit with the ladies.
|Not quite what he has in mind, but proof that cat pants do exist.|
Here is what I think now: The Mister has never bought pants for Barney. Au contraire. Mysteriously, Barney gets new pants at the crack of dawn every day but no one gets to see this. Think Pinocchio. When Pinocchio lies, his nose grows. When Barney lies, his pants disappear.
And Barney is a chronic liar. Every morning I feed him a proper breakfast. Then the Mister gets up and Barney tells him that he's hungry. The Mister will ask him, "Didn't BBI feed you?" And Barney will straight up lie about it. Convincingly. Then the Mister rewards him for lying. Thus Barney maintains his weight- 17 freakin' pounds. If confronted about his weight, he claims that he is naturally a big-boned Farm Cat and must maintain in order to protect us all. (From baby bunnies, you know.)
Hey Barney, you hungry? "Rreow."