Friday, February 8, 2008

I Have Solved It!!!!

One of my dirty secrets, and yes, there are many, is that I follow Perez Hilton, TMZ and gossip news in general religiously. Does this mean I am a dumb girl? Nay. It just means I'm patriotic. ANYWAY. I just had this amazing brainstorm. (See? I'm not dumb). I put all of the pieces together. It's Britney. She's not crazy. She's DIABETIC! Think about it: constantly appearing to be wasted. Frequent gas station bathroom stops- you know, the ones on Perez where it's always implied that she's in there doping up. Classic symptom- frequent urination! The junk food/ Starbucks sugarblastcaffelatte "addiction"- simple sugar imbalance. The struggles with her weight- ditto. Betcha. Blurry vision is also a symptom. Hullo. K-Fed. Irritability. Check- umbrella rage.

Mark my words, this is how it's gonna pan out. Some rocket scientist, ie, NOT a shrink, is gonna actually pay attention to the above oh-so-obvious signs and test her n shit and then, viola! Insulin! The New Britney will be a needle user. Calm. Dignified. Unhoochified. A Serious Artist who Says Deep Things and Values Her Privacy. Viva la new Britneeeeeeeeeee (insert French accent mark on that last e since I can't figure out how to do it on this keyboard).

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